dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
its liver damage thursday
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
