so that wasnt chicken after all
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
