I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i drank out of a bidet.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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