Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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