oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
