Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
