This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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