He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
