where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
