it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
