I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
