i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
