tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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