There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
