So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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