Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
