So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
