I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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