Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
