escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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