Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
