So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
