OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
40s are totally the cure
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I forgot wine drunk hurts
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
