The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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