right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
