I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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