Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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