You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
