Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Gay?
German.
Pity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
