i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
