Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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