Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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