Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
