DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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