im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
