so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
