dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
