Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
