Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
