I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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