So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
