Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
