He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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