I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
