Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
