so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
