only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want her autograph on my taint
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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