i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
