This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
