Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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