i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dicks are not precious.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
